Aug 29, 2011

So, I Can't Wear My Natural Hair In Your Wedding?

   Before I began this post, let me start by congratulating the Branch family for recently getting married. My little sister got married to the man of her dreams. I am so very proud of the two of them. I wish them both great success while they enjoy their happily ever after.

   It's no secret that many people in my family aren't fans of Natural Hair. Natural Hair is often frowned upon because the hair isn't deemed attractive/mature. This is why I wasn't mad nor surprised when my sister asked me to be apart of her wedding but didn't want me to wear my hair naturally. Instead, I wore a hair weave.

   What would your reaction be if someone asked you to be apart of their wedding but requested that you not wear your Natural Hair?


  1. This actually happened to a friend of mine. Here's my take on it:
    I think for a wedding, the bride should be able to decide on the bridesmaids' hairstyles. After all, it's her day and she has likely been driving herself crazy trying to get every last detail the way she wants. BUT....the right to determine hairstyles doesn't mean she has the right to ask you to use chemicals or do anything that can permanently alter or damage your natural hair. It's one thing to request no afro styles or ask everyone to wear the same updo or something along those's very different to request that someone permanently change their appearance just because they're in your wedding.

  2. Hi Rae, thanks so much for your comment. I told my sister that I was going to post this question because I was curious as to what others had to say about this topic. Because I know my family views about Natural Hair, I wasn't offended. However, I was not going to compromise my hair. I wore a wig because my other sister wanted to glue Tracks into my hair. I didn't want to damage my hair. I have friends & even family members who's hair has fallen out due to them applying glue to their hair. One friend of mine has asked me on more than one occasion to give her tips on how to grow her hair because she has a history of applying glue to her hair. The good thing about a wig is that my Natural Hair wasn't harmed & I can take it off as soon as I am done with it.

  3. Honestly I was in the same situation just 3 weeks ago with my father in law and his soon to be new wife my fil wanted my husband and I and our children his grandchildren to take part in his day. His fiancé I will assume that she didnt know that I am natural and so are my children. We got there and she asked what are we doing with our hair and basically I told her it's done my girls and I had twist outs with flowers in our hair. Needless to say she was not pleased and asked me to either straighten my hair and my girls (we are a no heat family also) or not to walk. Long story short I said fine no problem and went home to where my husband and the guys were getting dressed and let them know the situation. I let them know that family or not I will not straighten (damage) my hair or my children's hair just to please you for one day. Needless to say my fil spoke with her and let her know that I feel very strongly about our hair and to just respect that. We walked she wasn't happy but oh well.

  4. WOW! When it comes to weddings, I am not a fan of the behavior of many of the brides, which is why I honestly hate being in weddings. It can be a pool of drama. If you do not do what the bride says, she will go behind your back & talk real bad about you & how you are trying to so call ruin her day...which is bull crap! anyway....

    I think in this case, I already know how my family feel about Natural Hair. When I post this same post on Facebook, many of my readers concern was that my sister should love & except me for who I am. I never really thought about it like that. Some people said that they would have not participated in the wedding, & others have stated that I made the right choice to support her in her marriage. It is cool to read other peoples perspective.

  5. Wow, umm I guess I have no real experience to draw on, but I would be really hurt if someone wanted me to chemically (or otherwise) damage my hair just for one day! And there's just no way I would straighten my daughter's hair for a wedding!

    I think it was really kind of you to wear a wig, that way you both kind of got what you wanted for that day. (However, if it were me my feelings would still be hurt!)

    You're a very kind sister! Your family is lucky to have you.

  6. Sure! As long as you are treating....Where's the thread and needle? On the serious note....I probably wouldn't be offended either but definitely unstand why some people would. My girlfriend was asked to be in a wedding party sone months ago and has grown dreads since. When the bride to be found out she got angry with her and basically dismissed her from the wedding party. I thought that to be crazy.

  7. I first want to say congrats to your sister....and you looked beautiful. hOWEVER.... I was asked not to wear my natural hair in a wedding ...i had locs at the time...and i declined to be in the wedding. As a women whose is renewing my wedding vows after 18 yearsbof marriage, have no right to tell someone how to wear their hair... Updo vs.pontail is one thing..but to alter your hair to appease a a no go... Those that i asked to be in my wedding...i love them and respect their hir choices.... I would NEVER ask my relaxed friends and fam to go natural or wear a wig/weave to imitate a natural look...its only hair...let people have a little self expression.... ii mean think about it... If people arent the right size...u demand them to loose weight? Too tall...wear flats...too short wear 5 inch heels? You know what people look like when you ak them to participate... Its ONE DAY... I would NOT alter myself to appease someone else...i, personally find that behavior offensive and i would have been congratulating her from the audience...

  8. Thanks Everyone for your comments. I honestly had no clue that this topic would be a hot topic. I had no clue that other naturals have had this experience.

    I want to know what is societies issue with Natural Hair? When I say society, I mean, What is the issue with Black Women when it comes to Natural Hair?

    In my sister's case, she really didn't mean any harm though. I was once like her, I didn't think Natural was attractive. I have changed my mind. It has made me all the more comfortable in my own skin. I love trying to figure out what my hair likes & love.

  9. I just recently transferred my children from an all African American Charter School because they wanted me to cut their beautiful Locs! Although you aren't, KeeKee, I am offended by your sister's request. To me it says,"I really don't want YOU in my wedding, just my vision of you."

    Dear sister, why would you ask me to change a part of me that makes me feel good about MYSELF? Although it is YOUR day, you do not control the elements, other people's attitudes and definitely not my crown! I would not give someone that much control over me. So dear sis, I love you - so love the WHOLE me too. Otherwise, see you at the open bar at your reception! *the nerve!*

  10. Hey Ninah, thank you so much for your comment sis.

  11. Oh wow. Well, personally I would have declined to be in her wedding if I couldn't wear my hair as it was. Now, if she allowed me to pull it back into a bun as a comprimise that would've worked, but I wouldn't have done anything to my hair that I typically wouldn't have done in the first place (straighten it). A wig could work too, as long as it was one I'd wear anyway (read: not straight). Ultimately I would've been sad to learn my sister looked as my hair as "not to be included in her wedding". That's sad.

  12. Hey Glamazini, thank you so much for reading, commenting & sharing your true opinion. It is always good to dialog so that all parties can get a clear understanding. Thanks again. Have a wonderful day sis ;-)

  13. Greetings everybody! This is indeed interesting.
    The funny thing is that most people don't even have the nerve to speak on my hair. lol I have been natural for about 11 years and the reason for my being natural is both cultural and for my health.

    I recently straightened the back of my hair to appease one of my nieces (long story), but was so taken aback by the texture I took a picture to prove I did it and washed it out. I realized then, that I LOVE my hair so very much. I love it like I love my smile (people say I smile too hard), like I love my height (people say I'm short), like I love my eyes (people say they are too squinty), and so many other things about myself. Guess what? I ain't changin' NONE OF IT FOR NOBODY!!! The truth is that most people that know me wouldn't even ask me to change.

    It took me 34 years to fully embrace who I am and I'm not taking even a tiny step back. I love that you love your sister the way you do though because sisterhood is important, but so is freedom.
    Peace, love, and nappiness!


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